im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
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