a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
