the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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