wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Mom said you looked used
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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