Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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