I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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