i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
