things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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