dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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