ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
