i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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