my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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