i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
