So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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