I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
