its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
