How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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