the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
