So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
