your thong is hanging out like whoa
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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