so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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