Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
