imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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