When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I don't deserve a penis
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
