You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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