My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
