and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
