So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
