Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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