I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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