I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
