Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
