Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
