Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
