goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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