so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
