I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
