I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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