Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
