so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
