do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
