we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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