my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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