Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
