whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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