You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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