If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
