There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
