That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
