So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
